Hoarding & Challenging Conversations with Family Members
Most seniors want to release items and enjoy an improved quality of life. However, it’s not uncommon for us to enter a situation where family members, or even the senior clients themselves, claim that their parents (they) are hoarders.
In our experience, many seniors who identify as hoarders are in a situation where life’s daily tasks have overwhelmed them. Typical examples are not being able to file bills/ manage paperwork; difficulty cooking; not understanding how to turn off Amazon auto-ship; physically unable to clean the house; still laboring with children/ancestors' belongings, etc.; excess recycling; loss of a spouse, and dealing with depression; overwhelmed by the sheer space of their surrounds - not knowing how to start, etc. While some may still feel these circumstances fall within the spectrum of hoarding, we think these circumstances usually exemplify a senior who has become overwhelmed with their surroundings due to physical and cognitive limitations. Hoarding typically involves collecting many items, with significant attachment and inability to release them and usually starts at a young age, but truly manifests into a debilitating situation later in life.
We frequently assist families dealing with hoarding issues. It can be a delicate and challenging process, so it's essential to approach it with understanding and compassion. Friends and family can play a crucial role in helping their loved ones through this difficult journey. Here are some gentle and effective ways to offer support.
Allowing people into a family situation that has developed into a long-term severe hoarding problem often brings shame and fear. Our experienced team is skilled at handling these types of scenarios. Over the years, calls for our help have stemmed from family emergencies where the situation has become unmanageable for the immediate family, impacting a senior's safety, health, sanitation, and mobility. Hoarding can come as a huge surprise to family and neighbors who can not see behind closed doors. We have found that these situations generally require professional intervention and usually can not be managed by immediate family members as there is too much emotion and trauma revolving around the matter.
- Educate Yourself: It's essential to understand hoarding disorder. Learn about its causes, symptoms, and the emotional struggles that accompany it. This knowledge can help you approach the situation with empathy and compassion, and it shows your commitment to understanding their experience.
What is Hoarding…click here for link
- Offer Non-Judgmental Support: Create a safe space for individuals to express their feelings without fear of judgment. Listen actively and acknowledge their emotions, reinforcing that you are there to help, not criticize. Let them know that you value their feelings and experiences.
- Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest seeking help from mental health professionals experienced in treating hoarding disorder. Therapy can provide valuable coping strategies and support for the hoarder and their loved ones. Reassure them that seeking professional help is a positive and courageous step.
- Be Patient and Understanding: Change takes time, and decluttering can be overwhelming for someone with hoarding tendencies. Your patience and understanding are key. Avoid rushing them, as this may increase their anxiety and resistance. Show understanding and support even during challenging times, reassuring them you're there for the long haul.
- Set Realistic Goals: Help the person set manageable goals for decluttering. Start small, such as clearing a single room or a specific area. Celebrate each achievement to reinforce their progress and instill a sense of hope. Acknowledge their efforts and celebrate their victories, no matter how small they may seem, to keep their spirits high.
- Assist with Organization: Offer to help with decluttering, but do so in a way that respects their attachment to their belongings. Ask for permission before discarding items and focus on sorting rather than forcing decisions. Your respectful approach shows that you value their possessions and understand their feelings.
SB SOS - link for more information
- Encourage Healthy Habits: Promote a healthy lifestyle by encouraging regular activities, such as exercise or hobbies, that can help reduce stress and anxiety. This can create a more positive environment for change. Encourage activities that bring them joy and relaxation.
- Maintain Open Communication: Keep the lines of communication open. Regularly check in with your loved one to offer support and encouragement. Let them know you're there for them throughout the journey, fostering a sense of connection and support. Your consistent presence and support can make a significant difference, and they'll feel reassured knowing you're always there for them.
- Create a Support Network: Engage other friends and family members who can provide additional support. A network can alleviate the burden and provide various perspectives and assistance. Show that they are not alone and that there are people who care about them and want to help.
- Take Care of Yourself: Supporting someone with a hoarding disorder can be emotionally taxing. Ensure you prioritize your well-being and seek support for yourself if needed. Remember that taking care of yourself allows you to provide better support to your loved one. It's important to acknowledge your own emotional needs in this challenging journey. Supporting a person struggling with hoarding can be a delicate and complicated process, but it's essential to approach the situation with understanding and compassion. Friends and family can play a crucial role in helping their loved ones navigate this difficult journey.
We hope these suggestions help and are a starting point for offering gentle and effective ways for a family to support someone struggling with this situation.
Warm regards,
Deborah & Kelsey
